


Demolition Lovers

by sassymurderousangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 07:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17935730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassymurderousangel/pseuds/sassymurderousangel
Summary: Castiel is a seemingly normal kid: junior student class president, son of two loving parents. Dean’s a loner who’s wise beyond his years.  The two meet after Castiel starts tutoring Dean’s brother Sam? Will they get they get their happily ever after, or will they let the world - and themselves- tear them apart?





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this is a story I'm also posting on my tumblr with my co-writer Jasmin. Let me know what you think!

September 2003

Tiffany Sawyer had finally lost her mind. She wanted Dean Winchester, and she knew she couldn’t have him. And crazy bitches need to take out their anger on someone.

“Hey Sammy!” Tiffany cornered the younger Winchester brother.

She grinned “I finally figured it out!”

Sam adjusted his worn book bag on his shoulders, his hazel eyes quickly looking for an escape. He couldn’t find one. “Figured what out?” He sighed.

Tiffany leaned forward. “Well I couldn’t figure out why Dean would want to be with that girl AJ who’s probably a lesbian when he could have me. And then I realized…” She paused. “Dean Winchester is a fag!“ She yelled at the top of her lungs.

Everyone in the hall way laughed. Sam tensed, his heart aching for his brother. He knew saying anything would only make things worse.

Suddenly, a strong, reassuring hand was put on his shoulder. Sam looked up and a tall boy with dark hair, and bright blue eyes was staring at him, sympathetically. The boy smiled at him wryly and spoke in a deep, sure voice. "Don’t worry about her. She’s just mad that she got knocked up and now she won’t be able to fit any of her church sweaters anymore.”

The hallway exploded with laughter that drowned out Tiffany’s incessant protests. “It’s not true! He’s an attention seeking liar!”

Sam allowed himself to be led away by the boy. “ I’m Sam…Sam Winchester.”

The boy nodded knowingly. “ I’m Castiel. I’m supposed to be your tutor." Walking the halls the boys set up a time to meet that same afternoon, separating as the last bell rang. 

________________________________________________________________

 

The sweet purr of Dean’s 1967 Impala, whom he called Baby pulling up the Novak’s driveway was replaced by Dean’s gruff warning. "Remember what I said, kid.”

Rolling his eyes, the younger Winchester repeated the words like a prayer . “Yeah, I know. Pay attention. Do the Winchester’s proud.” Then he added, with a smirk, “And don’t be a failure like you.” He jumped out of the car laughing as Dean threw his book bag at him.

“Whatever kid. I’ll be back after my shift.” He drove off turning up the radio, singing along to the lyrics of Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard.

Castiel was standing in the driveway. A small smile came to his lips as he heard the familiar lyrics. “Nice car,” he murmured. He was still staring after Dean when Sam walked up the Novak’s front steps. 

Castiel, bringing himself back to reality, tilted his head,saying, “Well? Are you coming in or not?”

Sam cleared his throat. “I uh, yeah.” He walked past Castiel, who directed him to the first room to the right. The room had a desk with various carvings on it. At a closer glance he realized the markings were “Song lyrics to 80s rock songs?”

Castiel grinned. “Best decade for music.” He said pulling out his math textbook.

Sam rolled his eyes. “You’d love my brother." 

 

The sweet voice of Mrs. Novak called the boys downstairs as she set the Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the table. 

“Castiel’s favorite” she explained, leaving the boys in the spacious kitchen. Sam couldn’t help but feel safe in that environment, noticing how Mrs. Novak was checking on them every now and then, kissing Castiel’s head as she brought them milk. 

“You alright?” Castiel asked, noticing the sudden sad look on the younger boy’s face. 

“Yeah just tired… And thinking about what happened with Tiffany.” Sam lied, knowing he couldn’t understand his real feelings.

Castiel’s blue eyes were suddenly intense. "Speaking of Tiffany…what the hell was that this morning?” He titled his head slightly, as if to be able to read Sam’s body language more clearly.

Sam shrugs running a hand through his hair. “Tiffany has a crush on him. Dean has a girlfriend who he loves and I guess Tiffany thought she could ruin him by saying he was gay.”

Castiel hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “What if he is gay?" as the words left his mouth he felt his guts twist, a strange feeling of confidence made him say it and had left as quickly as it had came, leaving him full of nervous regret. 

Sam looked at him, unphased by the personal question. "Then he’d be gay. And he’d still be my brother, and I’d still love him.” He said honestly.

Castiel was quiet for a moment. Then before he could say something someone walked into the room. “Oh, you’re tutoring today?”

Castiel nodded. “Yeah, sorry I forgot to tell you. Um, Dad, this is Sam Winchester, Sam this is my dad Chuck.” He introduced them awkwardly.

Chuck frowned. “Winchester… You’re not related to Dean Winchester by any chance are you?”

Sam nods. “That’s my brother.”

Castiel looks up, confused. “How do you know Dean Winchester?”

Chuck smirks. “He’s been working for me nearly a year now. You would know this if you ever came by the auto shop.

Castiel blushes, feeling guilty for his lack of involvement in the family business. "Whatever dad.”

________________________________________________________________

Dean returned to the house to pick up Sam in the Impala. After thanking Castiel repeatedly for teaching him how to graph inequalities he headed towards his brother’s car. Instead of getting in however, he motioned for Dean to roll down the window.

Castiel, who was sitting in the front porch with Chuck raised an eyebrow. “What’s he doing?”

Chuck shrugged. “How should I know? I’m not God.” He chuckled under his breath. 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You’re not funny either, Dad.”

Sam finally finished talking to Dean, who was now had taken his keys out of the ignition. His gaze met Castiel’s and after a moment, embarrassed, Castiel looked down at his feet. The sound of footsteps, however forced his head up from the ground as he noticed a pair of bowlegs in baggy blue jeans and a worn AC/DC shirt underneath an over-sized leather jacket. Castiel stood up when Dean reached the front porch. 

“So you’re the famous Castiel.” He looked at him, his green eyes, boring into Castiel’s blue ones, a slight smile on his face.

Castiel cleared his throat. “Um, yeah. I uh- I’m guessing you’re Dean.”

Dean nodded. "Yeah. Listen- I just wanted to thank you for looking out for my brother at school this morning." 

Castiel bit his bottom lip, shifting on his feet nervously. "Oh, that was- it was nothing.”

Dean shook his head. “It was a helluva lot more than nothing man.”

He held his hand out. Castiel shook it, suddenly aware of how sweaty his hands were.

After Dean left, Chuck laughed.

Castiel looked at him, curious. “What?”

Chuck shook his head. “Nothing. Just never seen a boy make you nervous like that before.”


	2. Halloween & Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Halloween and Castiel is going to a house party! But of course while he’s there, drama ensues and secrets are brought to the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some warnings: Agnst, Swearing (including use of homophobic slur), underage drinking, talk of depression/suicide/self harm  
> You can get updates about this fic on my tumblr @sassymuderousangel. Enjoy!

October 31, 2003

It was finally Halloween. Normally Castiel hated the holiday, but today, he was excited about it. He told himself that it was because this was the first time in a while that he had plans on a Friday night, but really it was because he’d be spending this Halloween with Dean Winchester.

Castiel was putting together the finishing touches on his costume when his father called.

“Hey Dad. Everything alright at the shop?”

“Not exactly. Need to ask you to do me a favor.” Castiel could hear the tiredness in Chuck’s voice.

He sighed. “Dad, please don’t guilt me into coming down to the shop, I thought you promised you wouldn’t do that anymore?”

Chuck was pacing in his office, and after a moment he said. “Look, son, one of the employees quit today. I know it’s Halloween and you want to hang out with your friends, but I just need you to come down to the shop for a few hours and help Dean-”

Castiel cut him off, suddenly interested. “Dean’s working today?”

“Yeah, why-”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Castiel hung up the phone, grabbed his costume and his keys, and practically flew out of the house.

Castiel walks into his father’s shop hesitantly. Normally, he would’ve rebelled more against Chuck’s request for him to help in the shop, but Dean’s working today. In fact, since finding out Dean worked at Chuck’s shop his visits there had become a regular thing, and each time he used a different excuse. 

Dean looks up with a smile. “Hey, Castiel. Here to pretend you know something about cars?” 

Castiel smiled shyly. “Something like that.” He said, sitting down in the corner of the shop.

Dean walks out to his car, and then returns moments later with a book in hand. “I was at a garage sale…and I thought you might like this.”

Castiel took the book gingerly, as if afraid it would disintegrate at his touch. He looked at the cover, his blue eyes widening. “Twelfth Night? This is the only-”

“Play by Shakespeare you haven’t read, I know. I do listen when you talk, you know.” 

“Hey, Castiel!” Chuck yells from his office, “I asked you to come here to help out, not flirt with your boyfriend!”

Castiel stands up in a hurry, not sure how Chuck knew that he wasn’t working. He blushes furiously. “I-he’s not my-fine!” he stutters, noticing Dean smirking at him. 

“Well you heard him, let’s get to work, Castiel.”

 

The dim lights in the shop highlighted every aspect of Dean face and body. 

 

Castiel’s face explored all shades of red, blushing slightly at the sound of his name coming from Dean’s lips, and looking away when he decided it was too hot, remaining shirtless and leaving Castiel speechless. 

Castiel tried to focus on his job, trying not to stare at Dean, whose hands were covered in grease, his muscles twitching every time he lifted something. 

Working on the same car forced the boys in awfully close positions, their bodies casually brushing against each other. Castiel flinched every time he would pass a tool to Dean and accidentally touch his hand. 

 

After a while of working together in silence, a car catches his eye.

“Is that a 1963 Mercury Comet?” Castiel asked, forgetting how nervous he usually is talking to Dean.

Dean looks up and grins, his candy green eyes bright with amusement. “Thought you didn’t know anything about cars.”

Castiel shook his head. “I don’t. I just uh…I used to know a girl with a car like that.”

He smirks, looking at him knowingly. “A girl, huh?” He laughs at Castiel’s obvious embarrassment. “Should’ve held on to her, she’s got a damn good taste in cars.”

He nodded. “Yeah, she did.” He was quiet.

Dean looks as if he wants to say something else, but before he can, a female voice, smooth like honey, fills the room.

“Hey there.” A toffee skinned girl with wild curls walks up to Dean. She smiles when he places a quick kiss to her lips.

“Hi AJ.” Castiel says quietly, looking at his beat up Converse.

She grins. “You still coming to my party right? I’d hate to miss the opportunity to see you outside of your school boy sweaters.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’m coming. And you told me that those sweaters made me look like a sexy professor!” He joked.

Dean raises an eyebrow. “So how did you two fall in love?” He asks, playfully tugging on Amira’s hair.

Amira elbows him. “Ok first, don’t touch my hair with your greasy hands, asshat. And second…it was love at first sight.” 

 

A few weeks ago

“Castiel?” Mr Novak emerged from his office with a surprised tone

“Son, what are you doing here? Did something happen?” he asked, alarmed.

“Everything’s fine… Sam left a book the other day, and I wanted to give it back.” He mumbled, his eyes searching for something, or rather someone.

Mr Novak noticed his son’s eyes wandering everywhere, and smirking knowingly, he said, “Sam’s not here…besides, you couldn’t wait until tomorrow at school?”

“It’s a very important book, so I thought I’d give it to Dean.”

Mr Novak raised an eyebrow. “Sure. Well, he’s in the back, but you’re not the only visitor.”

Castiel frowned, confused. “Mhm.. Thanks.” He disappeared towards the left of the shop, where the lockers were. 

“It’s going to be great, trust me.” A sultry female voice caused Castiel to freeze just outside the door. 

“Fine, what am I even supposed to wear?”

“Whatever you want, that’s the point of Halloween, Dean! ”

“What are you gonna wear?” Dean asked, grinning.

“It’s a surprise,” she winked, kissing him lightly. 

Castiel built up the courage, knocking on the already open door, walking into the room carefully. 

His eyes traveled from the dirty floor upwards, meeting a beautiful African-American girl wearing black boots, ripped jeans and a black shirt, but what stunned him was her hair, long beautiful locks of afro hair. She had her arms around Dean’s neck, whispering something in his ear. 

 

“Hey Castiel” Dean greeted him, surprised “What you doin’ here?”

“I uh- Sam left a book, and he needs it so I thought I could just bring it here, to you.”

“Uh thanks man, kid’s head is up in the clouds… By the way, this is Amira, my girlfriend.”

She turned to face Castiel offering a hand and a beautiful smile,

“I’m Castiel, pleasure to meet you. Don’t you go by AJ?”

Amira rolled her eyes. “When I was younger kids used to make fun of my and my sister Ayanna’s names, so I started telling people to call me AJ.”

Castiel smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, but for what it’s worth, Amira’s a beautiful name.”

 

“Thank you. I’d love to stay and chat but I gotta choose a costume for grumpy there.”

“Ugh, you love me.” Dean responded teasingly. 

Castiel smiled at the lovely dynamic they had, handing Dean the book. 

“Well thanks for the book, man.” Dean repeated. Castiel nodded and started walking towards the door.

“Wait!” Amira shouted, “What you doing on Halloween?” Castiel turned around answering honestly about his plans, which involved his couch and old horror movies.

“Not on my watch. I heard about how you defended Sammy, and what you’re doing for him now. So, you’re officially invited to my Halloween party! Dress up, or don’t, I don’t care. Dean will give you the info, alright?” She spoke so quickly he could barely keep up with what she was saying.

Castiel looked at her, knowing she wouldn’t take no for an answer, “I’ll be there, thank you for inviting me. ” 

She tilted her head slightly, “No need to thank me- Dean’s friends are my friends.”

 

Walking out the shop, Castiel was stopped by his dad. “So how’d did go?”

“How did what go, Dad?”

“Dean, the textbook…son are you okay? You look a little red.” Castiel indeed was red, blushing like never before, simply because he was reminded of how Dean had touched his hand while getting the book. 

“Yeah it’s all fine, I’m fine”

Mr Novak smiled, almost holding a laugh. 

“What, Dad?” Castiel scoffed. 

“Nothing…Just never seen you so worked up over a boy.”

“I’m not worked up over anything. You are a crazy person. I’m going home.”

“Oh c'mon son, It’s just a joke.” Castiel was already too far away to hear Chuck.

Today-October 31 

Dean chuckles. “Well let me know when the wedding is.”

Amira nods. “But of course. Anyway, I have to get my sister to her friend’s house before heading to my dad’s place, so I’ll see you two hotties later.” She kisses Dean on the neck before heading back to her car.

Dean looks after her, biting his lip. “She really is something, isn’t she.”

Castiel nods. “Uh, yeah…”

Dean, not picking up on Castiel’s discomfort, which Castiel is grateful for, shuts the hood of the car they’d been working on. He starts walking to the Impala, and then turns around to look at Castiel.

“I am not letting you drive that piece of shit anymore,” he gestures to Castiel’s beat up car, “until you let me or Chuck have a good look at her, alright? So come on.”

Castiel sighs, exasperated. “Just give me a minute.” He grabs his bag that he had put his costume in from the back seat and replaces it with the play Dean had given him.

He slides into the front seat. “So did you want to get changed at my place or…?”

Dean shook his head. “I gotta go check on Sammy. Dad’s probably drinking his weight in bourbon tonight so I need to make sure the kid ate an actual dinner…”

Castiel looks at him, his blue eyes filled with sympathy. “I’m sorry…I didn’t realize…”

“That my dad’s a real piece of work? Yeah, people usually don’t. It’s not- it’s not a big deal though. I mean it is, but at least I’ve got Sammy, you know? That’s more than some people have.” He said, starting the car and pulling out into the street.

Castiel doesn’t say anything. He’s stuck in his head, imagining Dean, with his playful green eyes, and his sarcastic sense of humor, no longer being able to be a kid. He’s imagining Dean being Sam’s mother and father at such a young age. He thinks about how lonely that must have been.

“The hell is that?” Castiel asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he sat down next to Sam at the kitchen table. 

 

“Marshmallows ‘n’ macaroni.” Sam explained with a giddy smile, stuffing his face with more of the gooey concoction. 

Dean walked up to his brother, noticing the disgusted look on Castiel’s face. “You’re a disgusting little shit you know, you need some real food not this crap.” He laughed, ruffling Sam’s hair. 

 

Sam rolled his eyes, fixing his hair. “You used to eat it too!”

Dean opened the refrigerator looking for something to fix for dinner. “Yeah well, I’m a lot better at cooking now than I was when I was eleven.” 

Sam waved him off. “Whatever. Castiel, wanna play some Fifa?” 

“Sure, why not?” 

Castiel propped himself on the couch while Sam turned on the dusty playstation 2. 

The boys choose a team each and 5 minutes into the match Sam was kicking the older boy’s ass. 

“So…” Castiel trailed off, “how’s it going with she who shall not be named?”

“She’s fine thanks for the interest.” Sam sassed, giving his best bitch face and making one more goal. 

“When are you going to ask her out?” Castiel teased. 

“When are you going to ask my brother out?”

Castiel coughs, sputtering. “What? I don’t- I’m not gay-”

Before Castiel could say anything else, Dean yells from in the kitchen, “Guys, foods ready!”

Sam quickly paused the game rushing towards the kitchen, leaving a blushing Castiel alone on the couch.

After eating Dean’s ‘healthy’ dinner, made of bacon cheeseburgers and fries, Castiel stood up, reaching for his bag. “I should get dressed…you know, for the party.” 

 

Dean nodded, cleaning the table. “Yeah, uh, my room’s at the top of the stairs, first door on the right.” 

 

“Thanks.” Castiel smiled at him before heading up the stairs. 

 

Sam, grinning, yelled after him. “His bathroom’s connected to his room, feel free to pretend that you don’t see the five year old unopened box of condoms!” 

 

Dean rolled his eyes, “Shut up, Sammy.” He responded, using the nickname he knew his little brother hated. 

 

Castiel walked into the messy room nervously, observing for the first time every detail of it. Each wall was almost entirely covered with band posters, ranging from AC/DC to Nirvana. One particular poster caught his eye. “My Chemical Romance?” He mumbled under his breath. 

 

Dean had come into the room behind him without making any noise. “Yeah, I’ve been really into them since I heard their song Demolition Lovers.” 

 

Castiel raises an eyebrow, turning to face Dean. “Never took you for the emo type.” 

 

He shrugs, picking up clothes from here and there. “What can I say? It’s different, I like it.”

Castiel hummed in surprise, learning something new about the Winchester. 

 

“Alright a quick shower is needed, grease and sweat ain’t the best mash up.” He explained. 

 

Castiel sighs, opening the bag and pulling out his clothes. He put on black slacks and a white button down. After putting on his socks and zipping up the signature cowboy boots, he spent the next five minutes trying to figure out how to tie his tie. “Fuck.” he mumbled, getting frustrated after a while. 

 

“Need some help there?” Dean had come out of the shower, nothing but a white towel hanging low around his waist. 

 

Castiel sighs in defeat. 

Turning around, he feels himself choke on air as his eyes fix on Dean’s naked chest, and he unconsciously bites his lower lip, where there will be a mark later.

Castiel can’t stop his eyes from going wide, exploring Dean, every freckle on his chest, the little hairs that lead to down there, almost inviting him to what’s under the towel. 

He cleared his throat nervously, forcing his sapphire eyes to meet Dean’s emerald ones. “Uh… Please.” 

 

Dean moves towards Castiel, leaving just a few inches between them. 

“Here…” taking the tie from him and untangling it, he can feel Castiel’s intense eyes on him.

 

Castiel feels himself drowning in the sweet scent of Dean’s body wash. It’s overwhelming. It all seems to be happening in slow motion. When Dean tucks the tie underneath his collar so he can tie it, Castiel holds his breath studying Dean’s smooth plump lips.

 

“And…done.” Dean steps back and hands Castiel his lab coat. A name tag falls out. “No way…you’re dressing up as Dr.Sexy M.D.!”

 

Castiel, still blushing, can’t speak. He simply nods. 

 

Dean grins. “I love that show! No one watches the classics anymore.”

Castiel agreed, reciting the Doctor’s catchphrase causing Dean to laugh loudly. 

 

Closing the bathroom door, Castiel stands in front of the mirror, fixing his hair and brushing his teeth with the extra toothbrush Dean gives him.

Looking down he realized Dean’s proximity caused him an embarrassing dilemma. He tucked himself best as he could, trying to avoid the awkward tent situation.

After one last check in the mirror, he decides that he’s ready. 

 

Walking in on Dean in nothing but black boxers, Castiel felt his pants grow even tighter. 

 

“Uh, sorry! Thought you’d be dressed.” Castiel explained, looking away. 

“Nothing you haven’t already seen, Castiel.” Dean smirked, laying the costume Amira had left for him on the bed. 

“I’ll wait in the car.” Castiel quickly grabbed his bag and made his way towards the door. 

“Oh-okay” Dean said, picking up on Castiel’s discomfort. 

 

After Dean finished putting on the James Dean costume Amira had picked out for him, he went to tell Sam goodbye. “Alright kid, you’ve got the numbers, whatever you need just call and I’ll be here in 15.”

 

“Nothing’s gonna happen, Dean, just go, your boyfriend has been waiting I’m the car for ten minutes.” Teasing Dean was one of Sam’s favorite pastimes.

“Shut up. By the way, how’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have one!” Dean shot back, checking for car keys and wallet. 

 

The ride to Amira’s was prolonged by traffic, but the boys didn’t mind. The 30 minutes were filled with talks about cool old shows and debates over the best song of all time. According to Dean, it was a tie between Led Zeppelin’s “Ramble On” and “Traveling Riverside Blues.”

 

The beautiful house was already full, music blasting from the speakers. 

The boys were met at the door by Amira. 

“Hey you.” she gave a Dean a quick, chaste kiss. 

He hums in response, and holds her hand directing her in a full spin to show off her costume. 

“Look at you!” Dean comments, checking her out. She wore black combat boots, a black leather mini skirt with fishnets underneath and a studded leather jacket over a Black Panther crop top that showed off her toned abdomen. Instead of makeup, she wore face paint inspired by, Shuri, her favorite character from the Black Panther comics.

“Black panther party, baby!” she explained smiling, moving her gaze to Castiel. 

“Glad you made it lover boy…cowboy doctor ?” She asked, tilting her head I’m the same way Castiel often did when confused.

“Woman, you break my heart, he’s Dr. Sexy!” Dean exclaimed, putting a hand over his heart dramatically. Cas nodded half laughing. 

“Alright, NERDS.” Amira joked, noticing the looks the boys were exchanging. 

“Who wants a drink? We’ve got beer, tequila and some wine in the kitchen.”

Both the boys gladly accepted, but Dean offered himself to go get the drinks. 

He quickly disappeared in in the crowd, leaving Amira and Castiel alone. 

 

“So, Dr. Sexy, how’s it going?” Amira asked, fixing Castiel’s name tag. 

“It’s - I’m good thank you, your house is really awesome!” Castiel noted, almost screaming in order to be heard over the loud music. 

“Thanks, it’s actually my dad’s.” Amira’s parents had met and fallen in love through the Black Panther Party, but her father had made money early on in their marriage by becoming a stockbroker. The money slowly changed him, causing Amira’s mom to file for a divorce. He had become distant and consumed by money, always traveling and not really being present even when he was physically there.

Dean made his way back, handing the beers.  
“Thanks.” Castiel took a sip from the red cup, looking around to see if he could recognize someone. 

 

“C'mon babe, it’ll be fun!” Amira was winning over Dean for a round of beer pong. 

 

“Lover boy you too! You in?” she added, earning Castiel’s attention. 

 

The boys exchanged unsure looks, “Alright fine, just one though!” dean said, holding up a single finger in Amira’s face. 

Excited, she dragged the boys along with her towards the table, where the game was set and few people were already playing. 

“Alright people, amateur time is over!” she said, already feeling a rush from the alcohol and the competitiveness in her. 

The teams ended up being the boys against the girls, Castiel and Dean on one side, Amira and her friend Andrea on the other. 

Drinks were flowing, jokes were made, and quick kisses were stolen during the game

Much to Dean and his egos dismay, the girls dominated during beer pong.

 

Castiel got tipsy very quickly. His rosy cheeks were accompanied by constant giggles. Dean, on the other hand, was no lightweight. Throughout the game, he’d been observing Castiel closely, especially when he’d taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. Dean did his best to lock away the thoughts about the other boy’s surprisingly muscular arms that were infiltrating his mind. 

Out of nowhere, Amira’s entire disposition changes. Her jaw tightened as she recognized the high pitched voice screaming, “NOVAK! Where is he?!”

“Tiffany.” Amira mumbled to herself, as if the girl’s existence was an inconvenience to her.

Amira walked toward the voice, leaving the boys behind. “The hell are you doing here?” She asked, eyeing the ginger haired girl with disbelief.

Tiffany pushed past her as if she wasn’t even there. “Castiel Novak, you complete ass!” The sound of her shrill voice over the music caught multiple people’s attention.

Hearing his name, Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. “Shit.” he mumbles under his breath before walking over to the girls.

“Hey, Tiff.” Castiel shifted from foot to foot, looking everywhere but into her angry hazel eyes.

“It’s Tiffany, you idiot. You have to shut that rumor down! Everyone knows what you said and now-” She spoke frantically, drawing even more attention to herself.

Castiel sighs, running his fingers through his hair. He gathered the courage to look her in the eyes.

“Look Tiffany, I’m sorry about what’s been happening to you at school, ok? But I can’t shut down a rumor that was already being spread around and…” He leans forward, speaking so only she could hear him, “especially one that we both know is actually true.” 

Tiffany glared at him, her voice menacing. “I can ruin you. Don’t forget that.” Somehow, Castiel didn’t believe her.

“What’s going on?” Dean walked over, putting a reassuring hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

Amira, with an eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face nods towards Tiffany. “Looks like Castiel’s for a stalker. Tiffany’s so far up his ass she can’t even see straight. If you like him so much, why don’t you just ask him out?” 

Dean trades unsure looks between Castiel and the girls, holding back a giggle at how worked up Tiffany was. 

 

At this point, everyone in the room was paying attention to them and Tiffany was once again the one people were laughing at.

Desperate to take back control of the situation, Tiffany laughed and said, “I’d rather date a fag …” she paused, looking at dean pointedly, “than have to worry about my boyfriend slitting his wrists during dinner with my parents.”

Everyone at the party shifted their attention to Castiel, waiting for a response, but hearing those words caused him to feel weak in the knees. 

He held back tears as the memories flooded him and started to back away slowly.

“Hey! Cas, wait.” Dean instinctively gripped Cas’ shoulder, realizing how hurt his friend really was, but Cas just shoved it away and sprinted to the nearest door. 

Dean’s jaw tightened as multitude of thoughts crossed his mind: was Tiffany telling the truth? Did Cas really do that to himself?

Amira quickly did all she could to move the attention from what had happened, but not before turning to Tiffany. “Congrats! That was a really low blow, even for you.” She grabbed Tiffany’s arm, pulling her towards the door.

 

“Let me go, bitch!” The redhead protested vainly. 

Dean followed close behind and laying his hand over Amira’s. 

“Nobody wants you here, just go… You’ve done enough damage.” He nodded towards the door, earning a snarky response.

 

It took some time but Tiffany had finally left, and the party was quickly getting back to the way it was before all of the drama.

 

Dean and Amira went outside near the pool, in need of a moment to process. 

 

“Do you think he actually…?” Dean couldn’t actually process the thought of his friend doing something like that to himself. 

 

Amira wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close, gently rubbing his arm. Despite the heaviness in his stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of her body pressed against his. He sunk into the warmth of her side, appreciative of the sweet gesture. 

Her touch made the cool air feel warmer somehow. 

 

She turned to face Dean, and nodded towards the house, “We gotta get back inside, baby.”

“I know.” He agreed. 

“Listen, God knows what’s going through the poor guy’s head, go find him and-”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” He cut her off, stealing a quick kiss before heading inside. 

 

Dean searched all the rooms in vain, until finally stepping into the kitchen. 

Cas was flopped on the ground, surrounded by empty bottles and cups.

Drowning down the last sips of his second bottle, he dried tears with his already damp sleeves. 

 

Dean came closer kneeling beside him, his stomach twisting at the sight of Cas teary and so drunk. 

“Hey Cas,” he started with a sweet tone.

Cas looked up at him, his eyes red. “Want to pass me that bottle over there?” He asked, nodding in the direction of some vodka.

Dean shook his head. “Think you’ve had enough to drink tonight, buddy. Come on, let’s get you out of here.” He pulled Cas up to his feet.

“Cas, you don’t have to explain anything, but let me help you. Please.” Cas nodded in a drunken mess. 

Dean took him to the nearby sink, washed his face, and made him drink some water. 

“Alright, I’m taking you home. You can have my bed. I’ll take the couch”

Cas looked at him, confused, and Dean broke a smile. “Your dad’s gonna kill me if I take you back in this state. You’re staying at my place for tonight.”

Cas giggled in response, imagining his father’s reaction. 

 

The boys sat in the car for a moment. Amira kissed Dean goodbye and gave Cas a sympathetic smile before heading back inside. 

Dean drove in silence while Cas drew careless patterns on the foggy window. 

“Cadence.” Cas broke the silence, fingers still dancing on the cold surface. 

 

Dean hummed in surprise, glancing a quick look at the boy beside him. 

“Cadence.. that’s her name…the girl I was telling you about. ” he spoke again. 

Dean smiled wryly. “Oh, the car girl?”

“Yeah, m’sister… That’s what Tiffany was talking about.”

Dean’s brow rose a notch, “didn’t know you have a sister.”

“I had a sister.”

Dean took the hint and apologized, feeling guilty and sorry for something he had nothing to do with. 

“It’s not your fault. Don’t apologize, you do that too much. ” Cas slurred. 

 

Dean stopped himself from apologizing again,and simply kept his eyes on the road. 

 

“She uh… she killed herself, two clean vertical cuts and buh bye world, buh bye me…”

 

Dean felt chills run down his spine at Cas’ reveal. 

“I was 14… she would always come pick me up after class, but that day she didn’t, I got home and found Mom screaming at Dad and crying while the paramedics zipped the black body bag… she was inside.”

 

Dean focused on Cas, noticing the tears streaming down his face and the way he was now almost in fetal position, leaning against the door and the leather seat. 

“It’s okay, it’s just the alcohol. I’m sure she loved you.” Dean’s fingers reached out to wipe tears away from Cas’ cheek before gripping the wheel tightly. 

 

Cas felt himself drift to sleep, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder, finally calming down. 

 

When the boys staggered inside the house, Sam had already gone to sleep. Dean heads for his bedroom, dragging a sleepy and drunk Cas along. 

 

“Take off that shirt and I’ll get you one of mine.” Cas bounced, sitting down on the bed while Dean picked up a shirt handing it to him. 

 

Cas accepted the shirt, putting it beside him, and tried to unbutton his own failing miserably, his fingers not cooperating. 

“Just…let me.” Dean knelt in front of Cas, undoing each button.

“Man, you are hammered.” he joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

Cas scoffed in response, still overwhelmed by his feelings. 

 

His head popped from the new shirt, the messy hair falling on his face caused Dean to chuckle. He had never seen this side of Cas: vulnerable, honest… cute. 

 

His thoughts were interrupted by Cas standing up, and falling back down on the bed. 

“What are you trying to do?” Dean laughed, sitting back on his ankles. 

“Pants.” Cas unbuckled his belt, shimmied out of his pants while still laying on the bed and was left wearing nothing but Dean’s shirt and black boxers. 

 

Dean felt weird at the sight of Cas in his shirt, and boxers. Sure he’d seen other guys in locker rooms but he never saw them like that, or felt this way. 

 

He cleared his throat standing up, “You gonna be alright?” Cas simply nodded, snuggling under the blanket. 

 

Dean broke a half smile before heading for the door. 

“Dean?”

“What’s up, Cas?” Dean asked turning back. 

“Could you… Can you stay, please?” The neediness in Cas’ tone caused Dean to feel overwhelmed again.

 

“Sure, scooch.” Dean expected Cas to lay near him, but Cas gripped tightly at his shirt snuggling his head in the crook of his neck. 

 

“Thank you. For tonight.” Castiel said quietly, now feeling serene. 

“Of course man, you’re my friend.”

Cas laughed in response. “What’s so funny?”

“I don’t have friends, I’m alone and nobody in this hellhole is like me.”

“Oh, are you an alien or something?” dean smirked, running his fingers through Cas’ spikey hair. 

“Fuck it, I’m so drunk I won’t even remember this,” he predicted, “you know the saying: I’m here, I’m queer, and nobody cares?” Cas yawned one last time before falling asleep, cuddled up in Dean’s side. 

 

Dean’s eyes fixed on Cas, already snoring, and he felt safe enough to speak words he knew wouldn’t be heard. 

“You’re not the only one with a secret, Cas.”


	3. Can't Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last night, during a drunken haze, secrets (and a bed) were shared. Castiel wants to just forget it all. Will Dean let him, or by pushing Castiel, will he make everything fall apart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, angst, talk about underage drinking and a character who committed suicide

November 1, 2003

“Ugh…My head.”

Castiel dragged himself out of Dean’s bed, the sunlight immediately blinding his eyes as he stumbled towards the bathroom. As the cold water began to wake him up, he looked in the mirror.

“Never again…” he frowned, fixing his hair. He walked back into Dean’s bedroom and pulled on the pants he had kicked off on the floor.

With his massive headache getting worse with each step, he walked downstairs into the kitchen.

“Morning, Sunshine!” Dean smiled, inviting Castiel to sit.

“I’m not warmth and light from the sun’s rays, Dean.” Castiel replied wryly, keeping his head low.

A second later he flashed a small smile at Sam. “Morning, kiddo.”

The older Winchester, who was trying to pretend he didn’t notice how Castiel was acting, placed a plate full of pancakes on the table.

Castiel focused on his food, slowly zoning out, while Sam curiously questioned his brother about the party, and Dean, of course, expertly dodged majority of his questions.

“Does that work, Castiel?” Dean’s voice snapped him back to reality. 

“Wh-does what work?” 

“Since you’re already here, do you mind helping the kid out with his homework, and I’ll be back on time to take you home?”

Castiel noticed the hopeful look on Sam’s face, and decided to push aside the awful hangover and simply nodded in response. “Sure, I can tutor him, but you don’t have to worry, I’ll just walk home.” 

Sam grinned, and jumped up from the table, heading to his room to set up for his tutoring session with Castiel.

Dean’s jaw tightened, his emerald eyes meeting Castiel’s blue ones. “Are we really just not going to talk about it?”

Castiel frowned, clearing the table. “Talk about what?” He asked, returning the pancake syrup to the pantry. 

Dean nervously ran his fingers through his hair. “You know… what happened last night.”

The other boy stopped, facing the kitchen sink so he wouldn’t have to look at Dean as he lied. “I was drunk. I don’t remember anything.” He murmured quietly, barely loud enough for Dean to hear. 

“So you don’t remember telling me about Cadence?” Dean questioned, his own voice barely above a whisper. 

Castiel flinched, and slowly turned to face Dean. He looked like he was about to cry. “Please… just forget about it.” 

Dean walked over to Castiel, so they were standing about a foot apart, with Castiel pressed up against the counter.

“Which part? Cadence, the asking me to stay… the part where you told me you’re queer?”

“I-” Castiel hesitated, not being able to handle Dean’s intensity. “All of it. Including what you said to me.” 

Just then, Amira walked into the house, “Dean?”

Taking a deep breath, Castiel pushed passed Dean, and headed for the stairs that would lead to Sam’s room.

“Hey Castiel!” Amira smiled at him.

“Bye, Amira.” He muttered not stopping to look at her.

Amira raised an eyebrow at Dean. “You said he was ok when you talked to me this morning. So…what changed?” 

Dean gave her a forced smile. “Nothing. He’s just hungover.” He kissed her quickly on the cheek before heading to the front door.

He turned around, to see her staring at the stairs, as if she couldn’t decide if she should go up them or not, and her life depended on the situation. “AJ? You coming?”

Amira turned towards him, shaking herself out of a daze. “I-yeah let’s go. “

For the first couple of minutes of the car ride, neither of them said anything. Amira watched Dean’s jaw unclench and his grip on the wheel loosen. Deciding that it was safe to talk to Dean now she said, “You called me AJ.”

“What?”

“You never call me AJ unless something’s up. So what? Did I do something? Are you mad at me? She spoke quickly, her voice an octave higher than usual, a tell tale sign that she was upset.

Dean sighed. “No, of course not. This doesn’t have anything to do with you, alright?”

She nodded, pulling on her curls. “So it’s about Castiel then.” It wasn’t a question.

Dean looked at her as if he wanted to answer her, but this invisible force wouldn’t let him. Instead, he turned up the radio. The sound of Queen’s “I Got To Break Free” filled the car.

Annoyed, Amira immediately turns the music off. “Dean, you keep ignoring me, and you’re gonna ‘break free’ from this relationship. You got that?”

“AJ, it’s none of your goddamn business ok? If you want to know so fucking bad, just ask him yourself!”

Amira turned away from him, biting her lip. “Wow. You really are an asshole, you know that? I was just trying to help you.” She said, as they pulled into the parking lot of the park. As she was opening the door, Dean reached over and put his hand on hers, but she jerked it away. “Don’t even think about touching me right now.”

Dean sighed “Hey. Hey. I’m sorry alright? I just-”

Amira raised a hand up to stop him. “You and I are here to support my little sister at her last soccer game. We can talk about everything else later. “

Dean frowned. “Are you sure we’re cool?”

Amira shook her head, getting out of the car. “No, we’re not cool Dean, but we have to be for now.” Before he could say anything else, she started walking to the field her sister was playing on.

At the beginning of the game, Amira completely ignored Dean, but as the hour went on, she warmed up to him. The two were underneath a blanket with her head on his shoulder, and his arms around her. Dean knew better, but he dared to hope that Amira had moved on from the argument they had earlier and that she wouldn’t want to talk about it.

He was wrong, of course. As soon as the game was over, Amira jumped up and lead him to the playground on the other side of the soccer fields that they used to go to as little kids. Now, it was where they went when one of them was upset and needed to talk.

Dean sat down on a swing next to her hesitantly, waiting for her to yell at him. Amira didn’t say anything for a while, giving him plenty of time to mentally kick himself for the way he’d been treating her. 

“Dean.” She said quietly, her voice wavering slightly. “I’m sorry that I pushed you, ok? But you can’t- you can’t talk to me like that…”

Dean sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I know. And-” He stopped, looking out in the distance, confused.

“What?”

“Is that Sam?” Dean asked, standing up to get a better look.

“Dean!” Sam ran down the hill.

Amira laughed to herself. “Kid’s got impeccable timing.” 

“Sam, what are doin’ here man? Where’s Castiel?” Dean asked, while simultaneously zipping up Sam’s jacket and pulling his hat down over his ears.

Sam shrugged. “He didn’t feel up to tutoring. Probably went back to sleep.” He looked past Dean towards Amira. “Hey, where’s your sister?”

Amira smiled. “Ayanna’s on field 4-A. You gonna tell her you like her yet?”

The younger Winchester waved her off, heading back up the hill.

Dean turned back to Amira. “I should go…make sure Castiel’s alright.”

For a moment, Amira looks like she’s about to protest, but then she changes her mind. “Go then. You’ve got to get to work anyway…I’ll just go home with my my mom and Ayanna. We’ll give Sammy a ride too.”

Dean smiles. “Thanks.” He kisses her quickly and then leaves the playground.

On his way to the Impala, Dean realizes that no one ever called Mr.Novak to assure him that Castiel was alright. “Shit” He mumbles under his breath. He calls his boss, foolishly hoping that he hadn’t noticed that Castiel had yet to come home.

“Castiel?” Chuck’s worried voice pierced the other side of the line.

Dean sighed, shifting from foot to foot. “No…it’s Dean.”

“I don’t suppose you know where the hell my son is, do you?” Chuck winced at his harsh tone, and sat down on a chair in the living room.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “I just…Castiel… he’s never done this before. What happened, Dean?”

Dean looked up at the sky, silently praying to the powers at be that he wouldn’t lose his job, or worse: Castiel wouldn’t be allowed to hang out with him anymore.

Dean answered carefully, trying to not to get Castiel in any more trouble than he probably already was in. “At the party, this girl that has it out for Castiel showed up and said some things and it kinda triggered him and-”

“He tried to drink it away huh?” Chuck guessed, choking on his words.

“Yeah and I brought him home so he could sleep it off, but I should’ve called you, Mr.Novak. I’m so sorry-”

“Dean, you don’t have to apologize. What that girl said to Castiel and what he did about it is not your fault.”

They were both quiet for a moment.

“Alright, I see him heading down the street,” Chuck was looking out the window.

“You can see that far?”

“Kid, I can see everything.”

“Before you go…Castiel told me about Cadence. I know it’s not much, but I am so sorry for your family’s loss.”

Chuck nodded, with a new sense of grief in his eyes. “Thank you Dean.. It’s a bit of an open wound, so if he was willing to tell you about her…he must really trust you.”

“I’m glad he does. Bye, Mr.Novak. Tell him that I- me and Amira were worried about him.”

“I will.” 

Castiel quietly snuck inside his house through the back door, hoping he could make it to his bedroom before getting caught and have to face possible consequences from his two worried parents. 

Stepping one foot on the second stair, he froze at the sound of someone clearing their throat. 

 

“Castiel.” 

Castiel sighed in defeat, slowly turning to face Chuck.

“Hey, Dad.”

His expression was beyond Castiel’s comprehension, a layer of concern mixed with sadness, but also relief. Castiel could tell he had not slept much by the redness of his normally cheerful blue eyes, much like his own. Chuck nodded his head towards the living room, letting Castiel know he wanted to talk. He followed Chuck in the living room, sitting down on his signature lazy boy that faced his dad’s . 

 

“Dean called…worried. Which makes two of us.” Castiel hunched over, hands on either side of his face as he mumbled something under his breath.

“Listen, Dean didn’t tell me much, but I’m glad you you stayed over there. You look awful.” Chuck joked, trying to lighten mood, picking up immediately on his son’s discomfort. 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Aww, thanks Dad, always a sweetheart aren’t you? ” 

Chuck nodded, trying to hide the weariness in his eyes. “You gonna be alright?” 

Castiel simply nodded, changing the subject by asking about his mom, who was at a teacher’s convention. 

After a few minutes of catching up, Chuck stood up. As he walked towards the kitchen he ruffled his son’s hair, earning an annoyed groan.

Chuck stopped in the doorway looking back. “Son, you boys were safe, right?”

Castiel frowned. “Were we…” he trailed off. Then his eyes widened with realization. “Dad, you’re disgusting.” He shook his head in disgust before running up the stairs. 

“Hey, that wasn’t an answer though!” Chuck yelled after him.

His dad’s laughter faded in the distance as he stepped in his room.

Home sweet home

He lays down on his bed, Dean’s words from last night playing on loop in his mind along his own ones.

It’s a mixture of ‘why’s’ and ‘fuck, I’m never drinking again’ as he gets in the shower.

The water is cold.

He likes it that way when he needs to clear his head, so he focuses on doing that, failing miserably.

He knows this is the kind of thing that needs to be talked out but he doesn’t want to, at least not right now.

Later that night

The dim street lights reflected on the sleek red 1963 Mercury Comet as Castiel pulled up at the shop. 

It was the same Mercury Comet that had once belonged to his older sister, and now mainly served as a constant reminder of what feeling unconditional love is like…or at least was like. 

He sighed quietly. 

He could see Dean’s shadow in the distance, he’s probably working on the impala, Castiel thinks, but it’s awfully quiet tonight. 

Dean is alone, yet not blasting his beloved classic rock, or humming by himself.

The silence gets broken every now and then when Dean moves or picks other tools, but other than that, there was nothing.

Castiel shakes his head as if to clear it, and then chuckles slightly, knowing that Chuck probably sent him to lock up the shop well aware that Dean would be there late working,and didn’t want the kid to be by himself. Cas knew that Chuck cared for Dean in a way that went unspoken, but not unnoticed. 

October 29, 2003

“So… how’d you even meet?” Castiel questioned, between bites of pizza.

“Told ya son, boy was looking for work so he could help out his family, I saw what he can do so, I hired him.” Cas hummed in response, peeking at Dean from his dad’s office. 

“That boy can turn on anything.” Chuck added, quickly busying himself with delayed paperwork.

“Damn right he can.” Chuck looks at his son, intrigued, while Castiel immediately blushes, realizing he had said that out loud.

November 1st 2003

Confrontation isn’t what Castiel wants, but he wouldn’t mind some clarification.  
Right now, he’ll do just about anything in order to avoid talking about the fight they’ve had this morning, so he opts for staying quietly in his car, waiting for Dean go home. 

 

He got bored quickly, so he pulled out the play Dean had given him the day before, and starts reading. Like always, he’s immediately enchanted by the story.

When Dean slides next to him, slamming the car door loudly, Castiel jumps, getting abruptly jerked back to reality. 

They were both quiet for a moment , exchanging brisk looks then quickly returning their gaze straight ahead on the road, as if all the answers they needed were embedded in the very structure of the asphalt before them. 

 

“I’m sorry.” They break the silence contemporaneously, urging the other to speak first. 

Dean bites his lower lip nervously, trying to chew down the words he’s inevitably going to blurt out. “Do you really want me to forget it?” He lowered his gaze on the ground as his fingers scratched at the rip in his pants directly on his knee, bracing himself for what would come next. 

“ D-depends.” 

Dean focuses on the boy next to him. “On what?” he’s sincerely wondering, but it comes out more like a tired gruff. 

“Dean, are you…What did you mean when you said that I’m not the only one with a secret?” 

 

Cas looked down, dragging his thumb in the same eight pattern on the hard cover book. 

Dean hesitates, not knowing if he should lie or not, not knowing if the years of fear of letting down his baby brother and the people he loves are justified, not knowing if this will ruin or free him. 

“You know exactly what I meant.” He mumbles, looking away. 

Castiel shrugged. “Maybe I do, but I want, I need to hear it from you Dean. While we’re both sober.” 

Dean ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I’m gay…but there’s things, people I wanna experience differently… And I can’t say that I see you as just a friend.” 

Castiel was quiet for a moment, trying to shut off his racing mind. “I- being with you last night, it felt right. And I want that Dean…but only if you do. And if not we can just forget about everything and…” Castiel’s confidence suddenly disappears as he starts nervously rambling. 

“Hey. I want it okay, I want you too, Castiel.” The boy calms down, moving his gaze towards Dean, his bright blue eyes almost glowing in the night.

“Good to know.” Castiel smiles.

 

With Dean’s confession giving him a new surge of confidence, Castiel slowly leaned forward, locking eyes and asking for permission silently. Dean simply smiled leaning closer and closer, parting his lips as Castiel’s hands cupped his face. 

Dean’s had plenty of kisses, but Castiel’s lips taking control of their dance was something new for him. 

Little moans escape from Castiel’s mouth at how soft Dean’s lips are.  
And It’s Dean who asks for entrance, closing the kiss, giving little bites and pulls to cas’s lips until they’re on top of each other,with cas sitting on Dean’s lap. 

 

Castiel usually laughs at the ‘horny teenagers in a car’ stereotype, except he is that teenager right now, and fuck, he’s horny. 

After all, that boy can turn on anything…and anyone.

Then Dean’s phone rang. He reached for his pocket, still not breaking the kiss, but Castiel stopped his hand, interjecting it with his own. 

“Just ignore it.” Castiel breathes against Dean’s lips.

“I…can’t, could be… i-important,” The words came out in a moan as he fumbled for his phone. 

“Hi Sammy… yeah, alright, I’ll be right there ok? At the shop. Yeah. I’ll be there ASAP.” He hung up the phone.

Castiel frowned. “You have to go.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, something’s up with Sammy. I’ll uh, I’ll see you around Castiel.” He gets out off the car, slamming the door shut.

As Dean walks back to the Impala, Castiel calls out to him. “Hey, Dean?”

Dean turned back around, an eyebrow raised. “Yeah?”

Castiel smiled, with a twinkle in his blue eyes. “You can call me Cas.”

Dean grinned, looking at the ground and then at the other boy. “Good to know.”


	4. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his first kiss with Cas, Dean comes home to his drunk father, a gun, and a very terrified Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for what’s to come, don’t hate me y’all I swear it gets better! Kinda, sorta, eventually. *hides* Anyway, hope you like it!  
> ANGST, language, violence/abuse,drinking, a gun, intrusive thoughts/self hatred, brief mention of depression and divorce, blood/injuries

November 1, 2003

 

“You’re teaching my 13 year old little brother, who’s afraid of you how to shoot a gun? In our house? While you’re drunk outta your mind? John, get the fuck away from my brother!” Dean yelled, storming into the living room.

“John! Stop, Johnny!” The eldest Winchester repeated mockingly. “Sound just like your mother.”

With a swift motion, Dean yanked the gun out of Sam’s shaky hands. “We’re leaving. Now.” He ordered. 

“Fucking pussy, afraid of your old man, huh?”

 

John gulped down the remains of his whiskey before he knocked Dean down with a punch to the face. He didn’t stop there, instead, the drunken man started kicking Dean as he laid on the floor, desperately trying to protect his face with no luck. 

“Dad, stop, that’s enough!” Sam screamed through tears.

Dean choked out a “P-please.”

 

To both of the boys’ surprise, John stopped attacking Dean, and some distance between them, fixing his marines ring and cracking his knuckles. 

After a hesitant glance Sam raced over to help Dean back on his feet.

“Begging?” he huffed, almost laughing. 

“What are you, gay?” John sneered at his son as if Dean was a stranger. 

Dean, startled by the bluntness of the question stuttered. “I-what-no, of course not! Why?” 

John, still holding the gun responded. “Well, you’re in here acting like somebody’s wife.” He started speaking in a horrible high pitched voice, mocking Dean. “Oh no, you’ve got a gun! And you’re drinking? Now you know the doctor says that’s bad for you! Here, sugar, let me make you some dinner!” 

Dean rolled his eyes, grabbing Sam’s arm. “Whatever, we’re done here. “ 

In one swift movement, John had Dean pinned against the wall, his arm on his throat. “You’re not taking my son away from me.” 

 

“No. He used to be your son. We both were. But after today, after this..” Dean glanced at Sam before adding, “ he’s just as done with you as I was a long time ago. Just like mom was, and just like everyone in your life is.” His tone lowered as each word left his mouth, making sure the man he once saw as hero know that he was serious. 

“Sam, go outside, I’ll be out there in a minute.” Dean ordered, leaving no room for debate, his eyes still locked with John’s.

Sam hurried outside, as John slowly backed away from his eldest son, shocked by his harsh words.

Dean, seeing this as a moment of opportunity pushed past John and went upstairs. Months ago he had promised himself that he was going to get he and Sam out of that house. In preparation, he’d packed them each bags full of the essentials. He picked up the bags and headed back down the stairs as fast as he could.

“If you walk out that door now boy… don’t think about comin’ back. Ever.” John called after him as Dean walked to the door.

Dean waved him off. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

 

Sam was waiting for Dean in the Impala. “Your keys fell out of your pocket when he…” Sam started to explain when Dean came over with a questioning look on his face.

Dean nodded, saying nothing. He just started the car and drove. The two sat in silence for a while before Sam couldn’t take it anymore.

“Dean, you don’t even know where you’re going.”

“Shut up.” Dean’s knuckles had turned pure white from holding the wheel so tightly.

“Mr. Novak said that we could stay over if we ever needed it…”

Dean’s jaw tightened. “We don’t take charity, you know that.”

“Now you sound like Dad.” Sam mumbled low enough that he thought Dean wouldn’t hear him. The sound of Dean’s sharp intake of air proved him wrong.

“I’m sorry- I didn’t mean…:”

Dean shook his head. “It’s late. We’ll stay at the shop tonight and I’ll talk to Chuck when he comes into work.”

Sam nodded, knowing that this wasn’t an argument he could win. “Alright.”

Dean pulls into the parking lot of the shop. “Damn it.” he mutters.

Sam looks at him, concerned. “What?” 

“I don’t have my key to open up the front doors of the shop.” He sighed, mentally kicking himself for leaving the key at the house.

Sam holds up his phone. “You know who could really help us out right now…?”

 

Thirty minutes later, Chuck had showed up at the shop and driven the boys back to his house, after insisting that Dean was in no condition to drive.

“Alright, uh, Dean, you can stay in Castiel’s room, and Sam, you can have the room next door to his.” Chuck said awkwardly, trying not to stare at Dean’s beat up face.

“I get my own room? I love this place!” Sam grinned and ran up the stairs.

Before going upstairs, Dean turned to Chuck. “I”m sorry to ask you for anything else, but Sam hasn’t eaten…”

Chuck smiled. “Of course.”

Dean nodded gratefully, and headed up to Cas’ room.

Cas turned around at the sound of his door opening. He had just gotten out of the shower and was wearing nothing but a towel, his dark hair sticking to his forehead.

“Oh, sorry-”

“Dude, you look like you’ve been to hell and back.” Cas said, horrified.

Dean looked down at his bloody clothes. “Oh, yeah, I guess I do.”

“What the hell happened to you? Did… did John do this to you?” Cas’ eyes widened at the realization.

Dean flinched, but before he could deny it, he heard a voice calling his name.

“Dean, Sam! Come down here and have some supper!” Mrs. Novak’s sweet voice floated up the stairs.

Sam and Dean entered the kitchen where Mrs. Novak was placing two bowls of hot chili. 

When she looked up and saw her son not far behind, she said, "Castiel, set the table for me please.” Ruffling his hair before heading towards the living room. 

Castiel, trying to ignore the obvious tension in the room got each of the Winchesters spoons and placed shredded cheese and sour cream on the table. 

“Dean, I said I was sorry.” Sam mumbled quietly. 

The older brother glanced at him, but didn’t say anything, instead choosing to dig in to the massive bowl of chili. 

“Dude, are you seriously just going to ignore me?” 

Cas, feeling conflict arising took this as his cue to leave. “I think my dad needs me…” he muttered hastily before stumbling out of the kitchen. 

“Look, I ready feel bad enough about how everything went down. I don’t need you adding to that guilt.” Sam ran up the stairs to what he figured was Cadence’s old room and slammed the door. 

Hearing the commotion, Mrs. Novak came back into the room. 

“Dean, I don’t know what happened today and i don’t know you that well, but what I do know is that boy looks up to you. And he needs you right now.” 

Dean sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I know.” He grabs Sam’s untouched bowl of chili and takes it upstairs with him.

Dean knocks on the door. “Sammy, open up man.” 

After a few minutes it became clear that the younger brother wasn’t going to open the door for him. He sighed and grabbed a paperclip from his pocket and picked the lock on the door. 

“You’re trespassing… breaking and entering.” Sam mumbled from underneath a pile of blankets. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “You don’t even live here.” 

Sam disappeared even farther underneath the blankets. “Go ahead, say what you’re really thinking.” 

The older Winchester sat on the floor beside the bed. “I’ll talk if you eat, kid.” 

“Fine.” Sam grabbed the bowl of chilli and started eating quickly. 

“I’m thinking that I failed you, Sammy.” Dean said quietly, his emerald eyes avoiding Sam’s hazel ones which had widened in surprise. 

“No you have-” Sam started, but Dean cut him off insisting that he finish eating. 

“When mom and Dad divorced you were only 10, but I was 14. I knew that wherever I went, you would too. I idolized dad so much that I couldn’t see it- that there’s something so wrong with him… Sammy, you saw how drunk he was tonight. With one wrong move…” Dean bit his lip, trying to hold back tears. 

 

Sam was quiet for a moment, eating his food and letting Dean compose himself, then he said, “There was no way in hell we were going to go live with Mom. I mean- you and I both know that it’s ultimately the court’s decision of who we end up living with, they just don’t want to take blame for the messy situations that come after. Regardless of that, Mom was… she was depressed, you know, and she wouldn’t have… she couldn’t take care of us. And Dad wasn’t the way he is now so…” He trailed off, turning his attention away from Dean and towards the frayed ends of his jeans.

When Dean didn’t say anything, he kept going, “I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault but his.”

The older Winchester nodded, wiping a stray tear from his bruised eye. “Hate it when you have a point.”

Sam grinned. “Know you do. Anyway, you should probably get your boyfriend to take a look at your face, it’s pretty jacked up.”

Dean rolled his eyes, getting up to walk out of the room. “Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Dean whined his way back to Cas’ room, each and every step feeling like a dagger stabbing twisting in his chest. 

 

Leaning against the wall he moved his gaze reluctantly towards his.

God what are we even supposed to be… friends? He thought to himself, exasperated and confused.

Friends. He concluded, appreciating the support he received given the circumstances. 

 

Cas’s beautiful eyes were well hidden under his ruffled raven hair, while his focus was on his book that Dean had given him. At the realization, a warm feeling spread inside of the Winchester, and he was quickly pulled out of his thoughts. 

 

“There’s a first aid kit and some ice packs over there.” Cas said, simply nodding towards his desk, but keeping his nose buried deep in the faded pages. 

 

Dean nodded in response, heading where he was instructed. 

 

He picked what was needed and headed towards the bathroom. Dean took off his bloodstained shirt slowly, groaning at the pain he felt. He was certain significant damage had been done to his ribs, but he couldn’t afford a trip to the hospital. 

Fuck.

It was moments like this that made him regret just about everything.

You idiot, yeah let’s go with dad…great idea, Dean!

“I’m sorry… I know you’re dealing with some shit right now, but are we ever going to talk about the fact that we kissed?” Cas appeared in the bathroom door, seemingly out of nowhere.

Dean winced. “I have a girlfriend.”

Cas nodded. “Right. Are you going to tell her?”

Dean turned away from Cas, looking in the mirror on the wall at his bruised eye. “You know, I’m really tired, and the last person I want to talk to about my girlfriend is you.” 

 

Cas held up his hands. “Alright, fine. Turn the light out when you’re done. You can sleep on the couch.” He left the bathroom and went to climb under the covers of his bed. 

Dean went back to trying to patch himself up, his mind racing. First, he’d kissed Cas- which meant he cheated on Amira, and then he comes home to a fucked up John teaching his baby brother how to be a “man".

So much shit had happened in one night, and as per usual, Dean thought he was the one to blame for it. 

As his mind drifted to thoughts of I should’ve been there and painful what ifs, Dean tried to hold an ice pack to his side. He was pulled out of his downward spiral by a distinct sharp pain in his left hand. With all the bruises, he’d felt numb, but now his hand was throbbing. He looked at the palm of his hand, which was bright red and swelling. 

“Goddamnit.” He mumbled to himself. John’s hand had looked like this many times before after a bar fight. He knew that he must have put his hand on some shards of glass while trying to get up and move away from his father. 

He sighed and grabbed a pair of tweezers from Cas’ medicine cabinet. Here goes nothing, he thinks, carefully attempting to extract the shards of glass from his hand. 

Dean was successful at first, but there was a line of smaller pieces of glass in his ring finger Trying to get them out only pushed them in further. Frustrated, Dean threw the tweezers across the bathroom and started to cry.

He hated crying, but it was just all too much for him. He couldn’t keep himself from ruining what he had with Amira or from eventually hurting Cas. He couldn’t keep John from hurting him and Sam. Now there he was crying like a bitch because he couldn’t get some glass out of his finger.

“Son of a bitch!” he yelled, his back sliding down the wall.

Cas jumped out of bed and raced over to the bathroom where he found Dean holding his bloody hand. He sat on the floor next to Dean and held his face in his hands.

“Hey…it’s okay.” 

Dean gasped for breath. “Cas, I need you…”


	5. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Sunday and Dean’s going to church. Amira and Dean have a much needed conversation, and Tiffany confides in Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this chapter is far from the est, so I'll probably be going back and redoing it, ut for now enjoy, and feel free to leave a comment, I love feedback!  
> Also: Although I am a Christian, I’m also bi, and in no way shape or form do I believe being a part of the lgbt community is wrong, and I don’t believe tat the Bible condones the hatred people show for the lgbt community.

November 2, 2003

“You want me…to go to church?” Dean looked at Castiel incredulously, eyebrows raised.

Castiel smiled, handing the other boy a pair of slacks, a button up, and a tie. “Haven’t you heard? The Novaks are good, God fearing folks.”

Dean snorted at Cas’ attempt at a southern belle accent. “Long as they don’t try to save me.”

Cas looked at him, his head tilted to the side in a way Dean had grown fond of. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved?”

Before he could answer, Chuck knocked on the door loudly. “Hurry up or we’re leaving y’all!”

“Dad, Dean is just gonna drive me in the Impala-”

“Fine! But no funny business, you hear that, Winchester?” Dean turned a bright shade of red.

“Ugh, Dad, c’mon…” Chuck walks away, smiling to himself proudly.

“We should hurry up before he comes and offers us condoms.” Cas mumbled, looking for his blue tie.

“Did you tell your dad about us or something?” Dean spoke quietly, his back turned away from the other boy.

“What? No, of course not… my family has a uh, don’t judge policy I guess.”

“A ‘don’t judge policy’?”

“Yeah, started after I got kicked out of boy scouts in 8th grade- Joey Sawyer was a damn good kisser-”

“Wait, Joey Sawyer, as in the one Reverend Sawyer and his wife sent away to some boarding school?”

Cas nodded, tying his shoes. “How many other Joey Sawyers do we know?”

Dean whistled. “Damn. Christians really do have their secrets.”

Cas smiled wryly. “If only you knew.” 

After what felt like forever, Dean and Cas finally arrived at Church, 7 minutes late, as the entire congregation noticed.

As they were walking to find a place to sit, Dean whispered to Cas, “So do y’all have those secret sharing things here?”

“What?”

“You know, like father who art on Earth please judge me, I had some good dick yesterday, I’m sorry-”

Castiel cuts him off, choking with laughter, “No, confession is a Catholic thing.”

Dean nods sagely. “Just making sure.

Reverend Sawyer stands up to give his sermon after a particularly pitchy sermonic selection was performed by the church’s youth group. “Alright folks, please turn your Bibles to Romans 1:18 and we’ll read to verse 32…”

Cas rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. “Why, God?” 

Dean frowned. “Do you not like this scripture or-”

“This generation has turned away from God! There are homosexuals now and they have these- these Pride parades- where they just flaunt their sin-”

“Oh. Well I do love irony. Do you think he’ll send us to camp?” Dean smirked.

Cas elbows him. “Dude that’s not funny-”

“Oh God, please don’t tell me that’s where they sent Joey-”

“I don’t think so, but really you never know-”

“Ah, these two young men seem to have a lot to say on the topic. Why don’t you come on down and share your testimony. It’s Castiel Novak, isn’t it?” Cas growns. Reverend had been known to call out people who were talking during his sermons, but he never thought he’d be the one getting caught. “Come on, and bring your friend with you.”

Dean stood up with more enthusiasm than expected and headed down to the front of the church, with Castiel trailing behind. He picked up a mic, and Castiel started praying. “So a testimony… well uh, I’ve had it a little rough lately,” he gestured to his face, causing an equal amount of laughs and worried murmurs. “But, the Novak family took me and my little bro in and brought us here- we’ve never been to church before- and I’m just so grateful” Dean put on his most charming smile, while the church stood up and clapped, shouting ‘Amen’ and ‘Hallelujah’.

Cas dragged Dean back to their seats. “Only you would make church all about yourself.”

Dean laughed. “What can I say? People love me.”

Later, when church was finally over, the Novaks and the Winchester’s went out for lunch at the one restaurant that everyone went to on Sunday’s.

“Do you think Amira will be here? I mean, I didn’t see her at church-”

“I can’t believe you would think I would go to a white people church!” A voice called out from behind the boys. Dean turned around, ready to greet his girlfriend, forgetting the bruises on his face for a moment.

“Holy shit!” Amira hissed, before dragging Cas and Dean to a table away from everyone else.

“Please don’t ask.” Dean said, before Amira could get a word out of her mouth.

Amira is about to protest, but then frowns, noticing something else outside the window. “Is Tiffany harassing Mr.Stringari to let her retake a test again?” 

Dean scoffs. “Only if the test determines how good she is with her mouth.”

Amira laughs. “Dean, you can’t say shit like that!”

Cas shrugs. “He’s not wrong though.”

*Flashback*

“We need to talk.”

“Look Tiffany, I already told you, we’re done. Go find some football player to whore around with.”

Tiffany flinched at his tone, but stood her ground. “I’m pregnant.”

The teacher finally turns around. “Who’s is it?”

“Yours! You know that I’ve never… with anybody else.”

“Well get an abortion.” he said coldly, pushing past her to get out of the room. 

Tiffany sits down on a table, and pulls her knees to her chest. She rocks back and forth, her heart racing. The only sounds she makes are her gasps for breath among the tears.

“Tiffany?” It’s Castiel. He was planning on asking for extra credit, but instead he finds his least favorite redhead, he’s about to leave when he notices that sound- she’s still struggling for breath.

“Hey, look at me” He rushes around the table so he can face her. “You’re having a panic attack- just… try to take deep breaths? In through your nose and out through your mouth.” He tries to help her, spouting off some bullshit he learned from a therapist his parents made him see after Cadence died.

A little while later, her breathing is back to normal, but Tiffany isn’t looking at him with the same disgust she usually does. Cas almost feels sorry for her. “Why’d you help me?”

Cas shrugs. “I don’t know. Want to tell me why the most put together girl in school is having a breakdown in an empty classroom?”

Present day

“So wait, you’re telling me that this guy took advantage of a minor, got her pregnant, and you’re just now saying something? What the hell Cas?” Amira half yells at her friend.

Cas shook his head. “I promised her that I wouldn’t say anything until she did. Her parents don’t know anything.”

“Yeah, and I mean, it’s pretty hard to report a crime like that if the victim won’t admit it happened.” Dean backed him up.

“True.” Amira allowed.

They ate the rest of their lunch in silence, with Cas and Dean occasionally exchanging meaningful looks. After an intense staring contest, Dean seemed to have lost, he stood up. “Sammy has homework to do, so I’m gonna get him hom- back to the Novak’s, but uh-”

“We’ll talk when you come over later.” Amira smiled tightly, before walking away and going to sit with her family.

Cas looked at Dean, his blue eyes more intense in the sunlight. “You have to tell her the truth.”

Dean sighs. “I know, that’s the problem.”

Dean arrives at Amira’s house and is immediately greeted with an interrogation. “Alright, so what’s going on?”

Dean hesitates. “I…I don’t know where to start.”

Amira grabs his hand, and leads him over to her bed. “Why don’t you start with what happened to your face? Should I see the other guy?” She jokes half heartedly, her eyes worriedly scanning his bruised face.

“Well the other guy is my dad so-”

“That son of a bitch,” she breathes

Amira pulls Dean closer, hugging him tightly, and for the second time in less than 24 hours, Dean lets himself break down.

Amira listens intently as Dean tells her what happened the night before. He notices the little things, like how her jaw lightens at the mention of John’s gun, and the way she looks up at the ceiling, with tears in her eyes as if to thank whoever was up there for Chuck Novak.

There was silence for a moment, and then she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Are you gonna call your mom?”

Dean flinched. “I don’t know. I mean, she did leave us, but-”

“She’s family.” Amira finished. That was the thing about Amira: she always seemed to know what was on Dean’s mind. Dean, not being one for sharing, always appreciated that…until now.

“Something else happened. Something you don’t want me to know about.” It wasn’t a question.

Dean panicked, and tried to think of something, anything to tell her. But he couldn’t lie to Amira. He’d never been able to.

“I think that I might like boys.” he said, turning away from her, wondering if part of the truth was good enough.

“So you think you might be bisexual, like me?”

Dean hesitated.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to label yourself right now, I get that.” Amira tried to reassure him.

Dean shook his head. “It’s not ok, I kissed Cas.”

Amira’s face was a collage of emotions, from surprise, to confusion, to anger, and then back again.

“You cheated on me? Way to be a stereotype, Dean.”

“Amira, I’m so sorry I-”

She cuts him off. “I mean, I knew the two of you were getting closer. I noticed how you call him Cas now, and I’ve seen the way you look at him. I guess I just thought you’d never hurt me before, so why would you now?”

“Amira, I never meant to hurt anyone, I swear I-”

“And yet here we are.”

“What do we do now?”


End file.
